Page 25 - The Attachment Recovery Workbook

A QUICK NOTE ON “SECURE-ISH”

Throughout this workbook, you’ll see me use the term “Secure-ish” rather than just “secure.” That’s in-
tentional.
Too often, we treat secure attachment like some perfect, idealized state where you never feel jealous,
never worry about a relationship, and float through life on a cloud of perfect emotional regulation.
That’s bullshit.

Even people with predominantly secure attachment have moments of insecurity. They have triggers. They
have bad days. The difference is how they handle those moments, not whether they experience them at
all.
Secure-ish acknowledges that healing is a process, not a destination. It celebrates progress over perfec-
tion. It leaves room for being human while still moving in a healthier direction.
So when I talk about becoming more Secure-ish, I don’t mean becoming an attachment robot who never
feels anxious or avoidant again. I mean developing the awareness, tools, and practices that help you
respond to relationship challenges from a more grounded, connected place—even if you still struggle
sometimes.

REFLECTION: WHAT DOES “SAFE LOVE” MEAN TO YOU?
Before we move on, take a moment to reflect on what safe love means to you personally. Not what the
textbooks say. Not what your therapist says. What would love feel like if it felt safe?

Journal Prompt: What does “safe love” mean to me? How would I feel,
behave, and think differently if I felt completely safe in a relationship?

What the Hell Is Attachment Anyway | 19