Page 21 - The Attachment Recovery Workbook

In the Wild: Sends text. Waits 14 minutes. Sends follow-up text. Watches those three dots appear and
disappear. Contemplates entire life choices. Writes draft of breakup text just in case. Partner finally re-
sponds “sorry, was in the shower” and all is well again... until tomorrow.
About 20-25% of people have a primarily anxious attachment style. If you’re one of them, you’ve probably
been called “too sensitive” or accused of “making everything a big deal.”

Avoidant Attachment (Dismissive)

The emotional nomads. Just when things start getting good, they suddenly “need space” or remember
they have that big work project. Independence isn’t just important—it’s oxygen.

Key Traits:

► Highly values self-sufficiency and independence

► Uncomfortable with deep emotional disclosure
► Tendency to deactivate emotions during conflict

► Can seem emotionally unavailable or “cold”
► Masters of the phantom “ick” (finding sudden flaws in partners)

In the Wild: “Things are moving a little fast for me. I think we should slow down.” Proceeds to not text
for a week, then acts confused when you’re upset.

About 20-25% of people have a primarily avoidant attachment style. Society often reinforces this style,
especially in men, by celebrating stoicism and independence.

Disorganized Attachment (Fearful-Avoidant)

The relationship roller coaster operators. They desperately want closeness but are terrified of it at the
same time. One day they’re all in; the next, they’re questioning everything.

Key Traits:

► Unpredictable responses to intimacy and conflict
► Both high fear of abandonment and high fear of engulfment
► Intense relationships with dramatic highs and lows

► Difficulty with emotional regulation during relationship stress
► Tendency toward self-sabotage when things are going well

What the Hell Is Attachment Anyway | 15