Page 24 - The Attachment Recovery Workbook

► If you’re disorganized, it’s likely because your early relationships contained both comfort and
danger, creating a confusing template.

These patterns made perfect sense in their original context. The problem is that you’re carrying these
same protective strategies into adult relationships where they’re no longer needed—and often actively
harmful to the connections you’re trying to build.
Understanding attachment isn’t about blaming your parents or childhood. Everyone’s doing the best they
can with the tools they have. Understanding attachment is about recognizing that you developed these
patterns for a reason, and now you have the opportunity to develop new patterns that serve you better.

ATTACHMENT STYLES AREN’T STATIC

Here’s where it gets exciting: Your attachment style can change.
Let me say that again for the people in the back: YOUR ATTACHMENT STYLE CAN CHANGE.

It’s not fixed. It’s not your destiny. It’s a set of learned behaviors and beliefs that can be unlearned and
replaced with healthier ones.

This doesn’t happen overnight. It’s not about reading one book or going to one therapy session and sud-
denly becoming securely attached. It’s about consistent, intentional work to rewire your nervous system
and your relationship patterns.
But it is absolutely possible. I’ve seen it happen for hundreds of people I’ve worked with, and I’ve experi-
enced it myself. Ten years ago, I was a textbook anxious-preoccupied mess who would have sold a kidney
for a text back. Today, I operate from a mostly secure place (with occasional anxious flare-ups when I’m
stressed—I’m human, not perfect).

The work of becoming more secure involves:

1. Understanding your patterns (what triggers you, how you typically react)

2. Developing awareness of when you’re being triggered in real-time
3. Building new skills for communication and emotional regulation

4. Practicing secure behaviors even when they feel uncomfortable
5. Creating relationship experiences that reinforce security rather than insecurity

These are exactly the areas we’ll focus on throughout this workbook.

What the Hell Is Attachment Anyway | 18